Temptation, Extramarital Affairs and Divorce

Temptation, Extramarital Affairs and Divorce by James Walsh

Among the remaining cases, cheating spouses, whether quoted as the sole reason or not, remains one of the major factors. Extramarital affairs have the dubious honour of being the most common reason for divorce in the USA, the UK, and a number of West European countries. Infidelity in marriage provokes legal, social and religious wrath in all countries and cultures, including those who disapprove of divorce itself. The everlasting tele series also do not seem to approve of the concept, unless the husband is portrayed as an abusive tyrant, or ‘abnormal’ in some way. Books and movies try to lend a celestial, ethereal quality to an affair where the protagonists are very well-matched. As a result, a tragic parting between the ill-fated lovers fits cleverly but perfectly into the scheme.

Why?

Why do two people who had loved each other enough to have tied the wedlock once fall apart because of a ‘third party’?

1. The rot within: Some marriages, though they seem rock-solid to outsiders may be rotten at the core. Many people drag on with a marriage out of sheer force of habit. Thus, when someone else comes along, it may be love all over again, or simply a relief to escape.
2. Midlife crisis: The nation was rocked early this year by the colourful affair and divorce of a 50+ media tycoon with wife and children at home. While he dished out a hefty amount willingly as compensation, he did not commit himself to the ‘other woman’ either. Perhaps, his hectic life had filled him with hopes of improbable adventures, and even misadventures, and was worth it just to escape the daily grind.
3. Lure of the forbidden fruit: A well-settled man or woman may still have the capacity to be lured by what seems unattainable and, therefore, attractive. Human beings are not always logical creatures.
4. The right choice: Many people stumble upon a wrong choice as a starter, rushing precipitously to marriage. When they do come across the right person, they move on as sadder but wiser people.
5. Love: The mysteries of this emotion will remain inexplicable forever, but when it strikes, it cannot be denied.

The Emotions

When an affair happens, a marriage is tested. It may fall apart, weather the storm, or grow stronger. The usual gamuts of emotions that rise from an extramarital affair are still strongly stereotypical.

1. Anger: Yes, true to the movies and novels, couples still break things, scream and cry when the confession finally happens. The anger is not at just being individually cheated, but at a deeper level it is a reaction to the rejection of the institution of marriage itself. This may sound terribly ancient, but some things don’t change.
2. Betrayal: Every marriage, even a civil partnership or a same-sex relation is founded on mutual trust. An affair is exactly the only sin that seems unpardonable by the laws of this mutual pact. Couples who are not even married, but are living together, react with the same intensity when a ‘breach’ happens.
3. Revulsion: This is much more dangerous and complex. The wronged partner may simply greet the whole thing with a stony silence, and even if the straying consort is forgiven, a revulsion may form and eat away at the marriage.
4. Grief: The most normal reaction, since the grief like anger is not directed only at the facts, but the implication of the act. However, the grief may also cause a ‘wall’ to break in a dying marriage and rejuvenate it almost miraculously.
5. Abandonment: Even if a partner has not decided to leave the marriage, the feeling of being abandoned is strong and persistent.
6. Guilt: There are those who are ridden by guilt even if they have been unfaithful only in thought, and there are the Casanovas who fail to understand the concept of guilt itself. Though this emotion has religious implications in some cultures, it cuts across all other social differences. Once again, a deep guilt, properly expressed, can end up in strengthening a marriage.

Divorce?

As suggested above, an extramarital affair may or may not end in divorce. But if one values one’s marriage beyond the lures of a momentary fling, it is better to stay away from temptation.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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